by Dwayne Phillips
9 June 2008, 2008-023
"Okay, we ready to start?" asked Ms. Black. "Both of you have volunteered to cook burgers for our picnic. I don't know if you have met yet, but Evan this is Sam. Sam, Evan. We have the grills ready to cook as the charcoal briquettes are glowing. The burger patties are in the ice chests on the picnic table. When the burgers are cooked, place them in these serving trays. Someone will be over here every few minutes to pick up the burgers and give you an empty serving tray. Any questions?"
"No questions," answered Evan. "But I haven't met you or Sam before. I am glad to be here with you all and the other people who are helping with the picnic."
Evan stood and shook hands with Ms. Black. He then turned to Sam who was still sitting. "Glad to meet you as well Sam." He extended his hand to Sam who nervously grasped it and shook.
Sam didn't say anything, but he was thinking. Questions? Are you kidding? We are cooking burgers. This isn't brain surgery. And I know the charcoal is ready to use. I was here an hour ago cleaning out these grills, filling them with charcoal and lighting them. Where was this Evan guy? And where were you Ms. Black? I didn't see you until five minutes ago.
"Okay gentlemen," concluded Ms. Black.
"All right, start your engines" added Evan.
Sam smiled as he had already filled his grill with raw hamburger patties. He glanced towards Evan who was grinning and shaking his head in wonder while staring at his empty grill.
"You know," announced Evan, "I just can't get over how these little black charcoal things produce heat. They look like they are burned up already. Do you know how that works Sam?"
Sam didn't answer. He thought a second, but before he could say anything Evan continued, "Hey Ms. Black, do you know how these charcoal things put off heat. They are already burned, aren't they? Ms. Black?"
Evan was too late. Ms. Black had disappeared behind the wall that separated the grills from the sheltered picnic area. Evan started to walk after her to continue his discussion about charcoal briquettes when Sam finally spoke.
"You have to put the uncooked burgers on the grill to cook them," was all Sam said.
That stopped Evan. He turned back to Sam and said, "Yes, you're right Sam. You sure are right Sam. I see you grinning there. You have a dry sense of humor Sam. I will remember that about you Sam."
Evan pulled a package of hamburger patties from an ice chest and started opening it. He stopped short of putting his hand into the package and set the package on the picnic table.
"I guess we should clean our hands before touching the food."
Sam picked up a small bottle of clear gel and squirted the disinfectant on his hand. He rubbed the gel with his hands and wiped them on a paper napkin. "It is a wonder what they do with chemicals these days. I suppose I don't need to wipe my hands dry with this napkin as this cleanser dries by itself in a few seconds. I'll have to remember that next time I use the stuff."
Evan walked over to Sam with the small bottle of cleanser. "You need some of this Sam?"
Sam shook off the offer without speaking. No, I don't need any of that Evan. I cleaned my hands 45 minutes ago after I loaded the grills with charcoal. If you had been here then you would have noticed that. Well maybe not, you talk so much you may not notice much of anything.
Sam started flipping the first batch of burgers that he had placed on the grill five minutes earlier. A pool of red liquid had formed on some of the burgers indicating they were cooked sufficiently on the under side. Sam carefully slid the metal spatula under each burger and turned them. Sam was able to hit an empty spot on the grill with most of the burgers he flipped. He was neither practiced nor skilled at this, so some of the burgers fell on top of another burger. Sam pushed them about to return them to neat rows and columns.
Sam glanced to the side to see Evan standing next to him with his hand on his chin and an inquisitive look on his face. "Wow Sam. You have that under control. You been practicing on me before I arrived? Mind if I try my hand at it?"
Sam stood motionless. His eyes shifted from Evan to Evan's still empty grill and back to Evan and back to the waiting grill. You do have a grill over there Evan. Why don't you practice on it with the hamburgers you are said you would be cooking?
Evan caught Sam's shifting eyes. "Why you're right Sam. I'll load up this other grill and practice a bit on it."
With that, Evan finally went back to the package of uncooked meat he had placed on the picnic table. He carefully removed a burger from the package and neatly placed it on the grill in he corner of the cooking area. He took the next burger from the package carefully and slowly and set it close to the first. Evan continued his precise placement of each burger on the grill. He punctuated each placement with, "There! Right there little buddy. Right next to your other buddy. Just so!"
Evan half filled the cooking area and stopped. He looked at the grill, looked at the package of burgers in his hand, and sighed. "Okay, enough of this. The rest of you fellows just scramble for a spot."
Evan dumped the half-empty package of burgers on the grill in a pile. He arranged the pile of burgers with his hand shoving and pushing them gingerly so as not to burn himself. In a few minutes each burger had a spot on the grill. They weren't in rows and columns, but they were on the grill.
"How's it going over there Sam?"
"Good Evan."
Evan wandered over to Sam's grill again. "Say Sam, how do you know when to turn these little fellows over? Are you peaking underneath or something?"
"You see," answered Sam without taking his eyes from his grill, "when a pool of red liquid forms on top of the burger it is ready to flip." Sam demonstrated this on several burgers that had the red liquid on them. He also demonstrated how several under-cooked burgers looked by turning them over and back again. He then continued to show Evan how to tell when the burger was fully cooked by the appearance of the upper side.
"Great, let me try that," and Evan extended his hand to take Sam's spatula. Sam turned to Evan, but didn't give him the spatula. He went through the same drill as before with his eyes moving from Evan to Evan's grill back to Evan and back to Evan's grill again.
"Oh, I got it. I'll practice this on the other grill. You do have that dry sense of humor Sam. Quite a talent you have for telling jokes without saying a word. I might work on that skill myself to see if I can master it."
Yes please. Try to learn how to do things without talking.
"I don't know though. You are a pro at it. I might just leave that one up to you."
Evan stayed at his grill for the next ten minutes. He flipped burgers before they were ready, but then flipped them back. Each flip was accompanied by a "Over you go buddy," or a "Your turn, now do a somersault," and a "upsy daisy and over you go!"
Every few burgers Evan would turn towards Sam and ask, "How goes it over there Sam?"
The same way it was going over here the last time you asked two minutes ago.
"We have this under control here don't we?"
Yes, we do. If someone else were here this would be chaos, but we have it under control. Now why don't you talk less and cook more like you committed to doing?
Ten minutes after Ms. Black left - ten minutes by Sam's watch - Janet Olsson came with an empty serving tray. She placed it on the picnic table and started to pick up a tray containing just-cooked burgers.
"Hey! How do those burgers look to you? Sam and I here have this under control now. We are doing pretty good for a couple of off-the-street volunteers. Don't you think?"
Janet paused and answered, "Yes. You two men seem to have this going well. I'll just take these burgers over to the..."
Janet had reached for the tray of cooked burgers, but Evan's left hand beat her to the tray. His right hand was extended towards hers. "I'm Evan. I don't think we've met before. What is your name?"
"Janet Olsson. I work in HR at the factory..."
"You work at the factory? Can't be. I didn't think we hired girls of 16."
Janet blushed and grinned. "Sixteen? Fat chance mister. My daughter was 16 ten years ago."
"Oh you exaggerate Janet. Why you don't look a day over 21. We'll have to have the police here to card you before you sip a beer. Don't you think so Sam?"
Evan picked up the tray of cooked burgers, extended an elbow to Janet's hand, and escorted her back to the picnic area. The two of them disappeared behind the wall, and Sam heard Evan shout something followed by cheers from the crowd.
Sam stepped over to Evan's abandoned grill. Everything was fine. All the burgers were fresh on the grill and wouldn't need turning for three, no probably four and a half minutes.
Surely Evan the hero would be back by then.
Evan did return in two minutes. He was accompanied by a young lady who did look like she was under 21.
"Jennifer, let me show you how this works. These little fellows aren't quite done yet. In a bit they will turn juicy red on top. Then you flip them."
Then Evan turned towards Sam, "Isn't that right Sam?"
Evan brought Jennifer over to Sam and introduced her. "Sam, this is Jennifer. She works in shipping. Can you believe that?"
Sam half turned towards Evan and Jennifer. "Hello Jennifer. I'm Sam. I think we have met before at work. Glad to see you here at the picnic."
"Sam here is a pro at this. If you have any questions, just ask him. Watch out for his sense of humor though. He'll get you."
Evan turned and jogged away to the picnic area leaving Jennifer to work his grill.
What is this with this guy? He shows up late, wanders off, and now is making someone else cook for him.
Sam divided his attention between his grill and the one Jennifer was working. She was a little off in her timing, but was doing a good job given the circumstances. This was working pretty well. At least she didn't ask him "How's it going?" every 62 seconds.
Jennifer cooked all the burgers Evan had left on the grill and placed them in the serving tray. She was more efficient than Evan. Sam smiled at that thought. He didn't smile at Jennifer, but he smiled.
Jennifer loaded the grill with a new set of burgers, but then left carrying the serving tray to the picnic area. Sam heard cheers from the picnic led by - who else? - Evan.
Evan returned (rats, not Jennifer). He had a different young lady beside him this time. He repeated what he did with Jennifer. Showing her the exquisite art of cooking hamburgers on a grill, introducing her to Sam, and then leaving her to cook. The young lady would cook a grill-full of burgers, load the serving tray, and take it to the picnic area. After each batch of burgers, the young lady would be greeted by cheers, then replaced by Evan with yet another young lady.
Sam didn't know there were so many young ladies working at the factory. He met five of them during the picnic. Each cooked burgers better than Evan and didn't bother Sam as much as Evan.
The last young lady was named Alison. She spoke more than the others asking Sam for advice on cooking. Sam wandered over to her grill and showed her a few things he had learned during the three hours he was cooking. Alison genuinely appreciated his help. She finished her burgers, put them in the serving tray, and sat at the picnic table next to the grills.
Sam finished cooking the last of the burgers. He reached for the serving tray to take it to the picnic area. He pulled his hand back and put it in his pocket. Ms. Black will be over in a minute. She can get this. Instead, Sam sat on the picnic table with Alison. They talked for an hour.
"Hey Sam. Hey Alison," yelled Evan. "I see you two know each other."
"Yes Evan," answered Sam. "We know each other. Thanks for the introduction."