Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

In an earlier post, I discussed difficult people and reframing statements. Once again, I meet a difficult person. Once again, I can choose how frame the situation, and once again I can choose how to live and work.

I worked with a different set of people this week. Some of those people were difficult to work with.

[1] Now let’s reframe a bit. Change

They were difficult to work with

to

I had difficulty working with them.

[2] Delve into some of the behavior.

One of the people I had difficulty with had this habit of looking at me when I asked him a question, but then he would turn away and look at the computer screen when answering my question.

[3] Why did this bother me? Because:

You are supposed to look at people when you talk to them.

It is disrespectful not to look at someone when you talk to them.

That person was misbehaving and disrespecting me. Right? Hmm, what is the source of those statements?

Adults told these things to me when I was a child.

But wait,

I am no longer a child

and

I am an adult and can decide for myself

[4] Now it is time to change me.

I can’t change the other person

but

I can change me.

I can choose to

not apply things that adults told me as a child to other people

not feel disrespected when someone faces away while talking to me.

If I did these two things, I would no longer have difficulty working with that person. That person would cease to be a difficult person.

[5] If I choose to change me

One of the things about being an adult is that we get to choose what we do most of the time.

I can choose to change me

or

I can choose to keep labeling others as “difficult” and hold onto my excuses

Well…