Taking A Walk

by Dwayne Phillips

I was in a northern suburb of Birmingham, Alabama. It was midday and I was hungry.

There was a pizza place in the end unit of a shopping center. It wasn’t a chain of any kind, just a local place – perfect.

They sold pizza by the slice. I looked at their pieces of pizza behind the glass case, judged the size of the pieces, the time or day, how I felt, what was ahead of me (all parameters in a complex model), and told the guy behind the counter that I wanted two slices and a soft drink. After paying, the guy gave me a cup for my drink and I stepped to the side to start filling it.

Before the guy behind the counter could serve my two slices, the next customer stepped up to the counter and announced, “I need a large pizza, fast.”

“We only sell pizza by the slice, sir,” replied the guy behind the counter.

“I need a large pizza, fast,” repeated the customer.

“We only sell pizza by the slice, sir,” replied the guy behind the counter.

These statements were repeated a few more times. I lost count as the exchange didn’t make any sense to me, and besides, I was hungry and still waiting for my two slices of pizza.

The exchange took a different direction, “These are the slices we have now,” said the guy behind the counter as he pointed to the assortment of slices in the display case.

“Well, give me all these slices,” said the customer.

“This man,” said the guy behind the counter as he pointed to me as I was drinking from my cup, “has already bought two of these slices.”

“Well, give me all these slices,” said the customer.

I started to pay closer attention to the previously mundane conversation. It hit me that this customer was trying to take my lunch, and I was hungry. I slid sideways so to be close to the display case and my two pieces of pizza. I counted the slices in the display cases. “Let’s see,” I thought. “There are eight slices in a pizza. There are 11 slices in the display case. This guy can have eight of them, I get two, and there is one to spare.”

I was relieved, until the thought hit me, “Maybe they cut their pizzas into 12 or 16 slices.”

“I need a large pizza, fast,” repeated the customer.

“How many times does he have to say that?” I questioned silently.

“I want one of these and one of those,” I said aloud while pointing to a piece of pepperoni and a piece that had everything in the place on it.

“I need a large pizza, fast,” repeated the customer for what must of been the tenth time.

This guy was really getting on my nerves. Thankfully, the guy behind the counter put the two pieces I had noted on a paper plate and handed it to me. Saved.

I sat down, ate my pizza, and drank my Coke (plus a few refills as it was a hot day in Alabama).

I am not sure what happened to the customer who needed a large pizza, fast. I think the guy behind the counter gave him every slice he had in the place and charged him for a few extra.