by Dwayne Phillips
March 8th, 2008, 2008-010
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Jim looked down between his two big toes. “169.0” read the digital display on the bathroom scale.
“This cannot be right,” mumbled Jim.
He stepped off the scales, breathed out slowly as if expelling enough air would reduce his mass. He touched the reset button with the big toe of his right foot and waited for the number to return to “0.” Once again he stepped onto the scales as gently as he could. The reading was the same as before – “169.0”
Stunned and deflated, Jim took his morning shower and dressed. He moved through the house in slow motion. Checking his e-mail, picking up the litter that he always carried in his pockets, but stopping short of the refrigerator.
“What do you want to take for lunch today?” asked his wife Melanie.
She was ignorant of Jim’s new high on the scales – his new low in physical self esteem.
“Jim?” she raised her voice this time. “What do you want to take for lunch today? We have leftover meatloaf, leftover chicken breast, and I can make you a sandwich.”
“Never mind,” muttered Jim softly.
“What did you say?” asked Melanie as she pulled her head from the refrigerator and turned to Jim.
“I’m not bringing lunch today,” answered Jim directly to his wife.
“Oh,” mentioned Melanie. “Are the guys going out to lunch today?”
“No,” answered Jim. “I mean I don’t know about the guys. I’m not eating lunch today. I guess that’s what I mean.”
“What is it Jim?” asked Melanie in a slow, concerned voice.
“I weighed 169 this morning. Can you believe that? 169? I haven’t weighed that much in, well in ever. What is wrong here?” Jim moaned.
Jim looked down as at midsection. He held a layer of flesh and shirt between his thumb and first finger and shook his hand. He shook his head from side to side, turned from his wife, and walked out the front door to the car in the driveway.
Melanie stood still and quiet in the kitchen. She waited for Jim to turn, come back, and kiss her goodbye. He always kissed her goodbye in the morning before going to work. He didn’t do that this morning. He backed the car out of the driveway and drove to work.
A small tear rolled down Melanie’s cheek.
* * * * * * *
Jim sat quietly at the meeting table. His boss was ending his usual Monday morning monologue called a staff meeting. Jim hadn’t heard two words his boss said. He looked down at his notebook. The numbers “169” were written half a dozen times in varies places and orientations on the page in front of him.
“What am I doing?” asked Jim of himself quietly.
Jim blinked his eyes several times in an effort to open his ears in case someone said something of value. The likelihood of that happening rose sharply now that the boss had stopped talking.
“I am short of time this morning,” announced the boss from his royal position at the end of the table, “so I have to close the meeting now and move along. Everyone back to their desks and let’s get to it.”
Jim dutifully returned to his spot in the cubicle farm. He alternated his stares at the computer screen and the gray fabric cubicle walls. Nothing registered this morning. He knew what he was supposed to be doing – just continue what he was doing on Friday afternoon – but he couldn’t move. All he could think about was his weight.
“Jim,” came a voice from the top of the cubicle wall. The call woke Jim from his stares and he turned his head upward to see Jose – his team member and the person closest to him in the cubicle farm. “What do you think?”
“About what?” answered Jim.
“About what? About what the big man told us this morning,” continued Jose.
Jim sighed and looked down at the floor between his feet. “I didn’t hear anything he said this morning. Was it important?”
“Important? Jim, where were you man?” asked Jose in disgust. “The old man is killing us with work. He wants a new plan, new requirements, new documents, and a new prototype by tomorrow afternoon.”
“He does?” asked Jim.
“Yes, he does,” confirmed Jose. “You mean to tell me that you didn’t catch any of this?”
“No. I,” paused Jim, “I was thinking about something else. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else this morning. Anything other than, well, nothing.”
Jose pulled his chair around the cubicle wall so that he and Jim could talk without defeating the artificial boundaries set by the cubicle walls.
“Anything other than what, Jim?” asked Jose. This time he speech was slow, deliberate, yet friendly instead of business like.
“Jose,” sighed Jim. “I weighed 169 pounds this morning.”
“What? Is that it?” exclaimed Jose. “Man, I haven’t been that low since high school. What’s the big deal Jim?”
“I’ve never weighed that much, Jose. Never. I cannot believe this. I weighed myself twice to make sure.”
“Big flipping deal, Jim,” laughed Jose. “Man we’ve got to get to work here. The old man will kill us if we don’t have all this crap done by tomorrow afternoon. Let’s get with it.”
“The sad part Jose,” continued Jim as if Jose had not said anything. “Is that I think I walked out of the house this morning without kissing Melanie. I always kiss my wife goodbye, I think I missed it this morning, but I am not sure. How can I find out if I forgot without asking her? If I ask her and the answer is ‘yes’ I’ll be in as much trouble as if the answer was ‘no.’ What am I supposed to do, Jose?”
“Jim, what are you mumbling about now?” ask Jose. “Snap out of this man, we’ve got too much to do and we don’t have time to worry about all this other stuff. Look, the team is gathering in the meeting room in ten, oh no look at the time, in two minutes. Come on, grab your stuff and let’s go.”
Jim picked up his notebook, stood, and followed Jose down the walkway to the meeting room. When he entered he was surprised to see the team of seven people already seated at the table.
They all turned to face Jim, their expressions all asking, “What do you want us to do first?”
* * * * * *
“I didn’t hear anything the boss said this morning,” started Jim. What king of start is that? They didn’t teach that in project management class. “Jose tells me that we have until tomorrow afternoon to…to…Jose, what did you say the boss wants by tomorrow afternoon?”
“He wants,” inserted Jose, “a new plan, new requirements, new documents, and a new prototype. That is a handful of documents and a major piece of software. We have,” Jose paused to look at the clock on the wall and calculate time, “we have 30 hours.”
“Okay,” Jim said slowly, turning the ‘kay’ into two syllables.
Jim stood in front of the team for what seemed like an hour to everyone in the room. It was more like ten seconds, but the silence echoed around the room several times. People stopped looking at Jim and instead looked down at the various pieces of paper on the table in front of them in embarrassment.
Jim broke the silence by saying, “I have to make a phone call. While I am out, please discuss how to make a new prototype. Limit the scope so that we can make it in four hours. Consider only the two most important features that the boss wants. Nothing else.”
Several people opened their mouths to say something important quickly, but no one made a sound. Jim turned from the table and walked out of the room back to his cubicle.
Jim sat, picked up the phone and pressed speed dial. In a moment, Melanie answered.
“Melanie,” started Jim. “I think I left the house this morning without kissing you goodbye. Please forgive me. I should never do that.”
“Well Jim,” answered Melanie, “Yes you did. I was wondering if you were alright.”
“I’m a bit down this morning. My weight jumped up over the weekend, so I guess I’m disappointed in myself. That,” stumbled Jim, “that is a poor excuse.”
“Jim, maybe you are too hard on yourself,” consoled Melanie.
“Maybe,” agreed Jim. “I’m coming home for lunch. Let’s walk to lunch and walk home afterwards. We can spend the afternoon together.”
“Can you do that, Jim?” asked Melanie.
“Yes, I can do that,” answered Jim.
The husband and wife chatted for a moment more and said their farewells.
* * * * * *
“Okay,” said Jim as he entered the meeting room. “What have you decided?”
“Well,” answered Jose. “We can demonstrate the two big wishes of the boss in a prototype. We can pull that together in four hours. We already have most of it around in different fragments here and there.”
“Good,” stated Jim. “It is now 10 AM. I am leaving for the day. Start working on the prototype now. With an hour or so for lunch, you should have it finished by three this afternoon. Once you have it, go home for the day. Let’s meet here tomorrow at 10 AM. We’ll run through the demonstration once and all go to lunch together to celebrate. That will give us plenty of time to be back at four o’clock and show the boss what he wants. Any questions?”
Jim paused a moment and looked at each person in turn around the table. No one said anything.
“Okay,” started Jim, “I’ll see you all in the morning…”
“Wait Jim,” interrupted Jose. “You’re kidding right? The boss was dead serious this morning. You can’t take off now. We can’t leave early today and take a long lunch tomorrow. What about the other things? The documents? We have all that other stuff to do. You can’t walk out on us.”
“Jose, thank you for your concern.” Jim waited and gathered his thoughts. He sat in the only empty chair near the table. “I think we’ve been doing too much lately, doing lots of wasted work. Take for example the documents we wrote and the prototype we built at the end of last week. That was a lot of effort, but the boss decided he didn’t want any of it. I’m tired of doing work that we just throw away. I am just plain tired. I think we all are.”
“I was so tired this morning,” explained Jim, “that I neglected my wife. That’s wrong, just plain wrong. I’m not going to do that anymore. Let’s build a prototype that demonstrates only the main points. If the boss decides he likes that, we’ll complete the rest of the necessary work, but let’s not waste energy building stuff that in all likelihood will be rejected. There’s no use in that.”
Jim stood, walked to the door, and turned back to the team. “So, we all know what we are to do?”
No one answered. Each person looked back and forth around the table waiting for someone to break the silence and bring them back to cold, hard reality. Silence ruled, and Jim walked out.
Jose broke the silence. “Do you guys think he really meant it?”
“I think he’s in trouble with his old lady and is running scared,” answered Beth.
“Yeah,” chimed in Esther. “I’ve seen that look before on my husband as he walks in the door the day after our anniversary with a dozen roses in hand.”
“Too bad,” added Ralph. “He was making sense there for a while. I’m tired of working my butt off to see the results go down the toilet when the boss changes his mind. Besides, is it legal for us to go home when we’re done with our work? Do we have to stay until five regardless?”
“I don’t know,” answered Esther, “but I don’t want to test it and get fired. I need this job.”
“The boss won’t fire us all,” said Beth. “Will he?”
“I don’t think so,” answered Jose. “Look, let’s build the prototype and see where we are.”
* * * * * *
The clock showed two-thirty. The team gathered around the table in a collective sigh.
“Done,” stated Jose. “Done and double-checked.”
The team didn’t break for lunch as Jim had recommended. They instead worked straight through and, as Jose had mentioned, checked everything twice to ensure that it would work the next day.
“So,” started Beth. “Who is going to leave the office for the day?”
“Well,” added Esther, “Jim left four hours ago and the boss hasn’t asked anyone where he is. If he can get away with it, why can’t we?”
“Okay,” said Jose. “Here’s the deal. One at a time at five minute intervals. I’ll be the last to go, that means I’ll be here half an hour longer than most of you.”
“No way…,” Beth stopped herself short of “no way Jose.” “No. The last to stay will be in the least trouble. You are the number two on the team, you leave first. The rest of us will follow if you make it out safely.”
Jose drew deep breathe and exhaled slowly. He lifted his shoulders and dropped them with a shudder. “Okay,” he blurted. “I’m out of here. See you in the morning. If we don’t all get fired,” he added quietly.
* * * * * *
At 9:58 AM, Jim walked into the office building and straight into the meeting room – not going to his cubicle. The rest of the team was already in the meeting room having just connected a laptop computer to the room's projector.
“Good morning everyone,” started Jim. “I hope you all had a good afternoon and evening yesterday. What do we have?”
Jose spoke for the team as they demonstrated the prototype they built the day before. The demonstration took 45 minutes.
“I like this. I like this a lot,” concluded Jim. “Let's all go to lunch. I have a company credit card so it's on the company. We accomplished a new revision to the system in half a day. Let's celebrate.”
Jim looked at everyone, and they stared back at Jim and then at one another. No one said anything.
“Is there something wrong here?” asked Jim.
Jose was the first to speak. “Well Jim, uh, can we do that. I mean we all left early yesterday, so going to lunch before 11, isn't that kind of pushing it?”
“Did we accomplish all the work?” asked Jim. “Am I forgetting something.”
“No,” answered Esther. “You're not forgetting anything, but really Jim. We've never, uh, celebrated without the boss telling us to.”
“Hmm,” answered Jim. “You're right about that. I hadn't realized that until you mentioned it. Isn't that silly? We're adults and we've pushed ourselves into a situation where we don't smile unless told to. What's wrong with us?”
No one spoke for a few moments.
“Well,” continued Jim. “Those days are over. I'm going to a long lunch to celebrate. Who is coming with me?”
Beth slowly and quietly raised her hand to head height, then shot it up to a fully extended arm. “I am!” is all she said.
A few eyebrows raised around the table, a few shrugs followed, and one by one the team members mumbled in agreement.
“Good!” concluded Jim. “Let's go.”
Jim turned, left the meeting room, and walked straight to his car.
Beth stood quickly and added, “Yeah. Let's go.” She too walked straight to her car in the parking lot.
“Okay, I'm coming,” said Esther. “But wait a minute for me. I have to check my e-mail and such at my cube before joining you.”
“What?” asked Jose. “Why? What is there that can't wait? Come on, let's go.”
“Well,” answered Esther. “I guess I don't have to check my desk first. Alright, here I come.”
* * * * * * *
The team walked back into the building at 3:59 and went directly to the meeting room. Their demonstration setup was still as they left it hours earlier. Ten minutes later, the boss joined them.
“Good afternoon everyone,” started the boss. “I don't knew if the last two days have been as hectic for you as they have been for me. Anyway, what do we have?”
Jim and the team showed the demonstration to the boss. It only took 30 minutes to do so as they had thought of a few shortcuts during their long lunch. The boss interrupted the demonstration twice with questions that the team answered in short order.
“Good,” the boss concluded. “I like this. Good work. It looks like a lot of effort. Now show me the documents to go along with this.”
Several members of the team swallowed hard and slow and pointed their eyes at their feet.
“We don't have any documents to go with this,” answered Jim.
“What?” asked the boss in a declaration instead of a question. “I told you yesterday that...”
“I decided,” interjected Jim, cutting off the boss in mid-word. “not to write documents until you approved of the concept we just showed you.”
“Hey, but that's not how we do things here Jim. You know that,” protested the boss.
“I know that is how we did things up until now,” answered Jim. “In my experience, however, the vast majority of the time that was wasted effort. When we didn't like the prototype we threw away the documents and started over with the next iteration. We were wasting our lives doing worthless work.”
“I don't know about it being a waste. I mean we are paid to be here you know,” said the boss.
“I have concluded that it is a waste, sir,” answered Jim. “And, sir, we are paid by this company to produce product, not to be here.”
Jim found himself standing and leaning over the table with both palms flat on the table. His face was only inches from the boss'. He closed his eyes for a moment, stood erect, and took a step backwards.
“Pardon me for staring down at you like that, sir,” stated Jim. “I didn't realize I was doing that. Nevertheless, now that you approve of this concept – you do approve of it?”
“Yes, yes I do,” answered the boss.
“Okay, now that you approve of it,” continued Jim, “we will write the standard set of documents – tomorrow. We will give them to you this time tomorrow. Is there anything else you want?”
* * * * * * *
“Jim,” shot Jose, “what was all that?”
Jose imitated Jim's lean-over-the-table-and-stare-down-the-boss posture and huffed the words, “I have concluded that it is a waste, SIR!”
“What got into you Jim?” asked Jose, not wanting an answer.
Jim provided one anyway, “Just the honest truth, Jose. That is what I concluded.”
The two were in the parking lot. They both left the meeting room and went straight to their cars, foregoing any visits to their cubicles.
“This has been a crazy week Jim,” stated Jose as he shook his head and leaned back on the hood of his car with his arms folded.
“You start out by grumbling something about how much you weigh, then you spend more time out of the office than in, you get us to leave early, take us on a five-hour lunch, and we end up being heroes – pleasing the old man like we never have. I don't get any of this. What happened?”
“I woke up,” stated Jim. “I was working too long and too hard – we all were. We were making things to throw away, killing ourselves for nothing. I was tired, so I ate thinking the food would give me energy, but all it did was make me tired, so I slept all weekend, but didn't get any rest, so I was tired, but I was in a hurry.”
Jim stopped talking and mirrored Jose's position of leaning on his own car hood.
“It was all this but that but then but that but but but,” continued Jim. “I was doing everything all the time and didn't have enough time in the morning to kiss my wife. That was it Jose, that was it. Somehow I figured out that I couldn't make any more time in the day, so the alternative was to do less stuff, just the essentials – whatever they are. And somehow, that was that. Just do what we need to do and spend the rest of the time doing what we want to do.”
“I don't know if you are crazy or what,” answered Jose.
“Yeah, me neither,” continued Jim. “But I'm happier, my wife's happier, I'm not as tired, not as hungry, not as heavy, not as much of a lot of things I don't need in my life.”
“Well,” concluded Jim. “I'm out of here for the day. My wife is waiting for me. We'll come in tomorrow and knock off the documents by lunch. Now that we know what the boss wants, it will be a lot easier.”
“Are we going out for a team lunch again tomorrow?” asked Jose with a grin.
“No. I'll go home for a long lunch there. Melanie and I have remembered why we got married in the first place. That's more important.”
Go to Dwayne's Home Page
Email me at
d.phillips@computer.org