Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

I have worked with many difficult people. Or is it that I have had difficulty working with many different people? The difference is that have used different words. I have reframed the situation. Reframing is a powerful tool when working with difficult people and in difficult situations.

About a year ago, I was looking for a job. One of the companies that interviewed me was quite candid in stating, “The customer that you will work with every day is a difficult person.”

I didn’t pursue that job. I have worked with many “difficult people” through the years. I won’t go into the details. A thread that was common for most of these work situation is that I would say, “So-and-so is difficult to work with.”

Notice my oft-stated words: the problem is with So-and-so. They are difficult. They are the source of the problems. Me? Little old me? Well, I’m an innocent bystander thrust into the lion’s den of working with that difficult person. What could I possibly do?

One thing I could do is reframe the situation, i.e. change the way I describe the situation, change my words, and change the attitude that chooses the words. Instead of

So-and-so is difficult to work with.

I could say

I have difficulty working with So-and-so.

The subject of the reframe is me. I have difficulty; I could do something, and I have hope and I have choice. Some of my choices are:

• I could quit my job so I wouldn’t have to work with So-and-so
• I could talk to So-and-so about the situation to learn if So-and-so sees me the same way
• I could “tough it out” and learn to live with the situation
• I could bang my head on the wall every morning so that I would be numb to the pain of working with So-and-so
• I could decide to learn all sorts of coping mechanisms every day
• I could decide to learn all sorts of ways to enjoy my day
• The list goes on

All these choices come about because I have changed the words I use to describe the situation. Reframing is like that; it changes the situation.

Facing something or someone difficult? Try reframing. Just change the words you use.