Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

An experience with high self-esteem, congruent communication, and buying a car.

A few years ago, my wife and I bought a new van. Our old van was ten years old, and one of our sons was about to start college. We would need a third vehicle and decided to buy a new one instead of a used one.

My wife and I went out to eat a little dinner and go to a car dealership. We went to the same dealership where we bought a Cavalier in 1997. They had one van on the lot like what we had before. I guess it was a Chevy Astro as opposed to the GMC Safari. We had a Safari and still have it today. It is our son’s favorite vehicle.

Anyway, we took a little test drive in the new van. It was fine with the interior being a little different and improved over the old van. I recall it had an electric seat at for the driver’s seat. I didn’t like that because it seems to be one more thing to fail and cost a lot to repair.

Two other items I remember. First, it had plastic running boards.  My wife  thought they are great in that short-legged people can step up into the van easier. I don’t like them because they squeek and – yes again – are one more thing to fail and need repair. The second item is a towing package. I had no idea what that was. We have never towed anything and I don’t know that I have ever had the desire to tow anything.

The price tag on this van seemed a little high. I think it was around $29,000 or something. I took note of it at the time, but really didn’t take it seriously.

We went inside the dealership to chat a little. I don’t know why we did that, but we did. The VERY YOUNG salesman talked to us and asked us a few questions about what we were doing looking for a car and other things.

The thing I remember most about this was that I was quite congruent. I was feeling good about myself and everything else. In other words, I had high self-esteem. I was aware of this self-esteem and how I was communicating. I didn’t feel pressure, confusing, fear, or any negative feelings. I liked that new van out there, but my wife and I had searched for a new van for all of 15 minutes. I felt no pressure to buy this van or negotiate a great deal or ensure that I wasn’t cheated by the salesman.

I was able to communicate my feelings to the sales team. The sales manager came in the room and asked us the usual,  “What would it take to put you in this new van tonight?”

I confidently told him a price. I don’t remember what it was, but it seemed to be much lower
than the sticker price. The sales team went away and came back ten minutes later. They offered to sell the van to us for a couple of thousand  dollars less than what I had told them.

I was surprised. Buying cars is not supposed to be easy. I hate buying cars. I guess what I hate is the negotiating on the price for the vehicle. The few times I have bought a car, I acted like I hated negotiating
the price. I guess now that I am writing this, I realize that I had low self-esteem in all those instances.
I felt inferior, I hated the time, I did not say what I felt in a loving manner, I was incongruent, and I always negotiated a bad deal. Funny how that works. Poor self-esteem, poor communication or what I feel, poor performance.

Oh, by the way. my wife and I happened to be shopping for a car on the last day of the month. We surmised later that they dealer was anxious to sell the car and  remove it from their inventory before the new month rolled around.

I think there is some truth to the last-day-of-the-month theory. Car dealers do like clear their inventory.

I think the congruent communication has a bigger part to play in this good deal. I felt like I really didn’t have to have that new van. I could take it or leave it. That new van was not going to make me into something wonderful. I was someone wonderful already with or without that new van. I was able to communicate that to the sales team. More important – I was able to communicate that to me. I felt it inside, I said it outside in a loving manner.

This congruence stuff is interesting stuff. I like to read about it; I like to study it; I like to twist it around and do experiments with it in my head. That is all nice stuff. Nice stuff aside – congruence really works.

I have a nice van that I bought for several thousand dollars less than I imagined I could have. I felt good going in the sales room and good coming out.

One more thing – maybe the biggest thing of all. I ended up liking those people at the car dealership. I didn’t hate them or feel that they were a bunch of penny-pinching, lying, thieving bastards. I believe they are nice, loving, caring people. I have a much better Christian view of them and Christian feeling for them in my heart.