Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

Of course no one agrees with me when we read, hear, see, etc. the same thing. We are in different places in different times while in the same place at the same time.

As a kid, the most enjoyable episodes of my favorite programs were the ones where they played one scene over and over with a different character narrating it. It seems that all successful TV series run this episode once as it was a tried and true script.

How silly the whole thing was—everyone was in the same place at the same time yet they all told wildly varying stories.

Life isn’t so silly, but life is exactly like this episode.

Note, for example, the Satir Interaction Model. (One description of it is here. There are many available online.) Each person intakes something different, even in the most equal situations. Each person applies their own meaning. Here is where a big variance occurs. What does “violet” mean to you? Probably something much different from what it means to me. What is significant about this? How do we each react?

We all come to the same place at the same time from different lives. We don’t agree on what we saw; we walk away differently.

And then we are surprised by it all. We shouldn’t be.

(1) Realize that we walk away differently.

(2) Don’t be surprised by (1).

(3) Don’t be upset by (1). There is nothing wrong with (1). It is normal.

As a manager, discover what (1) was for everyone. Adjust accordingly.