Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

Ask for information. Use it to change me—not the other person.

I teach classes on a few topics at work. The best thing I can do afterwards (a few days later) is ask one of the students questions: “What is this? What is that? How would you do this? What is the definition of that?”

(1) Listen.

(2) Act.

Both (1) and (2) are essential. Let’s focus on (2) in this post.

When the answer is incorrect (there are, unfortunately correct and incorrect answers to factual questions), how I respond is critical.

Two responses from me (there are many possible ones) are:

(a) What? Weren’t you paying attention? How could you miss that?

(b) What? What was I saying? How was I teaching? Why didn’t I communicate better?

The difference between (a) and (b) is the difference between “you” and “I.” I can change myself. I probably cannot change the other person. Refusing to admit such is my problem, and I should get to work on me.

The same goes for meetings, speeches, essays, blog posts, and just about everything else. I can blame the recipient or I can work on me. And I can work on me without blaming me, but acknowledging that…

To write is to be misunderstood. (The same holds for teaching, speaking, etc.)