Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

Why are we arguing? You, or was it me, started it. And how do we have necessary discussions without starting an argument?

We often perform better when united than when divided. (Often, not always.) We seem to divide when we argue. Who started the argument? You did. You raised the subject of whatever it is that divides us. Then we were divided.

Or did I raise the subject? Someone raised the divisive subject. And it needed to be raised, i.e., we needed to discuss it.

At this time, the reader expects me, the writer, to suggest a solution. Okay, here is a simple but painful solution that we probably won’t use because while it is simple, it is painful.

Divisive subjects can be raised when persons in the room are practically division proof. Division-proof groups have spent time with one another and have built a sense of trust, i.e., we know the others have our best interest at heart.

The painful part is T I M E. That brings with it P A T I E N C E.

Ouch. Those words hurt. They are painful. Let’s get on with it, okay? Enough is enough. We are strong enough and tough enough and sensible enough not to have hurt feelings and walk away, i.e., divide. Right? Wrong. None of us are that tough. Let’s get over this macho stuff and spend the required time. It is worth it.

And we can always “start it” with,

“My intentions are better than my words. I want to discuss something. Please be patient with me.”