Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

Sometimes we want to clarify what we have written. Adding to the end (a few words onto a sentence, a few sentences onto a paragraph, a few paragraphs onto a chapter, etc.) works, but is merely an ugly band-aid. Rewrite instead.

I did tripped again this morning. I wrote a sentence that wasn’t clear. I “fixed” it by adding a few words to the end. (This is a summary of https://www.anandtech.com/show/15483/amd-threadripper-3990x-review.)

Original: A look at AMD’s 64-core processor as AMD is taking the top spot in high-performance processors.

Clarified: A look at AMD’s 64-core processor as AMD is taking the top spot in high-performance processors away from Intel.

See how this is better? Gasp. Lazy. Just add a prepositional phrase and it is all better. Not.

Rewrite: AMD continues to surpass Intel in high-performance processors with this 64-core model.

The rewrite is shorter than both. It also emphasizes the two actors (AMD and Intel). It took more effort, i.e., not as lazy. And it doesn’t have that band-aid hanging off the end of the sentence begging to be ripped off and tossed in the trash.