Working Up

by Dwayne Phillips

Here is one way to begin what is likely to be an unpleasant conversation. It lessens the unpleasantness and moves toward a more productive conversation.

Let’s begin with, “John, I am upset.”

(Substitute the other person’s name for John. That was the most alias of names I could find.)

There, said the ugly part first. I am upset. That describes my state of mind and the feelings burning inside me. I don’t think clearly when I have those burning feelings. Perhaps John will understand some of the stupid things that are about to come out of my mouth.

Excuse? Yes, declaring upset is sort of setting the stage for stupidity and requesting forgiveness beforehand.

Wise? Perhaps. Let’s put this out right now. This isn’t going to be a fun-and-games chit chat. I am about to say some unpleasant things and will say them in an unpleasant manner. I am saying them to you because I respect your ability to handle unpleasantness and work through it with me.

Perhaps giving John a copy of this little post to read will ease the conversation. Perhaps reading it aloud to John will do the same. It may calm my upset and help me to speak using better words and tone.

Regardless, let’s get into this. I am upset, and I’m about to hit you with the reasons.