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Listening to Unwelcome Messages

December 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

by Dwayne Phillips

Sometimes events don’t occur as I planned. They do, however, lead to what I want. To discover the result, I have to listen to unwelcome messages.

I often receive unwelcome messages. I plan something; I invite people who I believe will benefit from the something, and none of them come.

There are several possible reactions from me:

  • What is wrong with those ungrateful people?
  • Those people are just too stupid to understand that this is good for them.
  • I’ll send out the invitations earlier next time.
  • I’ll show them. I won’t ever invite them to anything again.
  • What can I learn from this?

    The last item I listed is the most beneficial. Consider what has happened: (1) I sent a message to other people and (2) they reacted. There is at least one message in their reaction.

    Now I have a choice; will I listen to their reaction?
    Sometimes this isn’t much fun. At times it is much more fun to be angry at these ungrateful people. That reaction, however, doesn’t provide much learning.

    That is part of the problem of listening to these unwelcome messages. I have to put away the “fun” aspects of anger and self-righteousness, at least for a while. Instead, I have to step away from the situation for a moment and think. I examine the reaction, consider alternative messages, sometimes I even ask someone why the didn’t come.

    I may even go back to my original intent. What did I want to happen after the event I created? Has that goal occurred even without my event? That is usually the answer. People didn’t attend because they have reached the place I want them to be. They didn’t need my event.

    Alas, sometimes things don’t work as I planned, but instead, they worked as I had hoped. I just have to breathe calmly for a while before I realize the outcome.

  • Tags: Communication

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